PH33R!
by Black Hikari
Summary: Just another day at Funbari right? Wrong! Fangirls have come to stalk their obsession. Poor, poor, SK gang…… (Rated for language.)
1. The Begining of Chaos

Here's a ficcie that I wrote. Umm… For all those who read my fic, "Tangled Love", sorry, but in a way, I discontinued it. Before you flame me, I'll be posting a one-shot version of "Tangled Love". Sorry, but I just realized that I can't do multi-chaptered, dramatic fics. I'll post that other fic when I have the time.

**-oOo-**

**Title: **PH33R!

**By: **Black Hikari; idea and help from LaH

**Disclaimer: **Yay! Me owns Shaman King, and… Oh wait, that was just a dream… T-T

**Summary: **Just another day at Funbari right? Wrong! Fangirls have come to stalk there obsession. Poor, poor, SK gang……

**Warnings: **Insanity, OCs, rabid fangirls with fangirl powers

**-oOo-**

Eh, what can I say? My friend started to type a fic on her Palm, and this is the result. We took our friends who are OBSESSED with SK and turned them into fangirls who are stalking their favorite characters. XD Poor SK gang…… XD LaH, aka LiLaZnHiKaRi and I also in this fic. We both feel very sorry for the character that we'll be stalking…

* * *

It was after the shaman fight, and everyone was currently living at the Asakura residence in Funbari. Yes, even Hao was living with them. Life was pretty normal. Well, as normal as life can be with 13 shamans that weren't entirely sane. Oh, and did we mention the occasional non-shaman that comes to visit them almost every single day? And considering the fact that mortal enemies were living under the same roof, it was quite a miracle that the neighbors hadn't complained yet. Well, maybe it was due to the fact that most of the residents were not exactly sane, so they could act VERY scary……

Then, THEY came. _:insert scary, suspenseful music:_

"NOOOOO!"

The shaman known as Horokeu rushed into the room with panic-filled eyes.

"What happened?" Pilica asked her onii-chan.

"T-those PEOPLE!" And with that, Horo broke down and started to cry.

"How pathetic." Ren scoffed. "To be beaten so easily."

"Y-you have NO IDEA how scary THEY are."

"Tch, wimp."

Horo twitched. Then, a rustling sound was heard in the bushes.

"AHHHHH! RUN!"

"What? Wh-"

Ren was never able to finish his sentence for at that very moment, a voice screamed out, "REN-SAMA!"

Before the shriek had died out, Ren was tackled onto the ground by a hyper teenage girl.

Horo let out a sigh of relief when he realized that it wasn't HER. Ren however, didn't seem to be so relieved.

"What's going on!" Ren shouted, his face flustered.

Finally, he managed to get out of HER grasp. Then, he immediately proceeded to attack HER. …Or at least he tried. For you see, SHE had done plenty of research, and knew that Bason was afraid of cats. (AN: Ok, that's probably not true, but in one fic, he is afraid of cats. So let's just _assume _that he is afraid of cats in this fic as well.) So just when a very angry Ren was about to attack HER, SHE managed to pull out a kitty. No, let me rephrase that, a VERY cute kitty. At the sight of the kitty, Bason became so frightened that Ren's oversoul broke.

"Nani?" Ren asked in confusion. He didn't understand why his oversoul had broken up like that.

"Gomen nasai, Bocchama. But……"

"What? But what?"

"I-I'm afraid of cats." Bason admitted shamefully.

"Yay! I must remember to thank Black Hikari! She was right about Bason!" (AN: Huh, research. -insert sarcasm-) The GIRL said happily. She wore jeans and a shirt that had a lamb printed on it.

"W-what? How could someone know about Bason's fear when even _I _didn't know?" Ren stammered. Oh the shame! Even though he wasn't afraid of anything, his mochirei was. And of cats! There could be no greater humiliation. Wait, there was, as Ren took a better look at his glomp- err… we mean attacker, he became even more ashamed. His attacker was a girl! How did a girl who didn't even have the aura of a shaman sneak up on him like that? And how did she know about Bason when even he didn't know? And who was this 'Black Hikari' that she mentioned? And most of all, who was SHE!

"Who the heck are you?" Ren demanded angrily.

"Wow! Ren-sama talked to me! I'm so happy!" SHE squealed excitedly.

Ren twitched. "Who are you? And who is this 'Black Hikari'?" Ren shouted out in annoyance.

"Ren-0bsesser, I want my kitty back." a new voice whined.

Horo flinched at that voice. It couldn't be HER, could it? And from what he could tell, this- girl, wasn't after him. SHE was after Ren. What a relief. But wait, what about that other voice?

All of a sudden, from the bushes that SHE came from, two more females. Horo twitched. More of THEM?

The first girl that came out was wearing a black t-shirt with an orange kitty head printed on it along with black pants. She had shoulder-length dark brown hair which wasn't tied back. And for some reason, she had cat ears.

The other girl that came out of the bushes had hair that went slightly past her ears which were tied in two pigtails. She was wearing jeans and an orange t-shirt. Along with a pale orange super-hero cape that had a huge, dark orange 'P' in the center. Oh, did I mention the oranges (fruit, not color) that were printed at the bottom of her cape? And she was holding…… a small white dog. That could have passed for a stuff animal. Heck, there were bigger stuffed dogs than that. But this dog was obviously alive.

Horokeu, seeing those other two girls, shuddered. Oh sure, they may not be like HER, but he didn't want to stick around to find out. So the Ainu rushed back into the house. Ren and the girls didn't even notice his hasty retreat.

Manta and Yoh, seeing Horo rush into the house from the yard muttering something about finding a place to hide, became curious. So they left to see what was going on outside.

**-Tsuzuku-**

* * *

Sooo…… I think that I'm actually satisfied with this fic. Or at least this chapter. I kinda already got the next chappie planned out… But don't expect a fast update. (Unless my friends bug me A LOT.) Many thanks to 0bsesser, who drew two pics for this fic. Anyways, can you figure out who is stalking who? I promise that I'll update faster if someone can figure it out. XD (Is this considered blackmail?) Oh yeah, if I made any mistakes at all, tell me and I'll fix them. And I think that I got the spelling of the Japanese words correctly…. 


	2. Getting to Know Chaos

Replies to my lovely reviewers:

**Morningstripe: **I'm glad that you liked it. And yes, Faust is one of the 13 shamans living at Funbari Onsen.

**WiNdScArBaBe: **Oh! You were so close! You nailed 2 out of 3 of the fangirl's targets. Not telling who you were right about though. Although it might be quite obvious…..

**Ren-0bsesser: **Many thanks for the pictures that you drew! So hurry up and finish drawing that comic! Just joking, although I do wish you would draw it soon….. And about the weapons, all in due time.

**-oOo-**

**Title:** PH33R!

**By:** Black Hikari

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Shaman King. Oh, all the happy things that I could do if I did own it…….

**Summary:** Just another day at Funbari right? Wrong! Fangirls have come to stalk there obsession. Poor, poor, SK gang……

**Warnings:** Insanity, attempted glomping, rabid fangirls. You have been warned.

**-oOo-**

What will happen this time? Will more fangirls come? Will Ren's questions finally be answered? Read and finds out!

* * *

When Yoh and Manta walked into the yard, they were met with quite a sight. 

"WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?" Ren shouted out, his tongari twitching. He was completely ignored.

The girl who had cat ears was arguing with Ren's glomp- err… we mean attacker.

"Gimme back my kitty!"

"But I need it to keep Bason from attacking me!"

"No! I want him back!" shouted the neko-girl. And with that, she proceeded to grab the kitty and started to whack her in the face.

"………" Manta and Yoh were shocked.

"WHAT IS GOING ON ALREADY, DAMNIT!" a _very _angry Ren asked.

The neko-girl who was whacking the other girl with the kitty finally stopped.

Ren's glomp-err, attacker all of a sudden noticed the neko-girl's ears. "Ohh! Are those real?" And with that, she proceeded to yank on them.

"Ow, ow, OW!" Now the neko-girl was flailing about, kitty waving around in the air. "YES, THOSE ARE REAL SO STOP TUGGING ON THEM!"

In the end, the third girl had to help get Ren's glomp-err, attacker off of the neko-girl's ears. Then, the girl with the cape saw Yoh and Manta standing there speechless. All of a sudden, she squealed a _very _loud, "YOH-SAMA!" And then, Yoh ended up being chased by her.

"…………………."

The neko-girl and Ren's glomper (AN: Heck, we all know that she is his glomper, and not attacker right? I'm getting tired of calling her an attacker.) were arguing again, oblivious to their comrade chasing a very panicky Yoh.

"For the last time, gimme back my kitty!"

"No! I need him!"

"That kitty is a female." _:twitch:_

"…………"

"Anyways, I want her back!" And with that she started to whack Ren's glomper over the head with the kitty.

"Oh yeah, SUPER REN PLUSHIE POWER!" Ren's glomper took out a plushie of Ren, and started to whack the neko-girl in return.

"……………………" Ren and Manta watched the whole scene play out, standing there speechless.

Finally, Manta ventured out to talk to those crazy females. "Ano, did you make that plushie of Ren-kun?"

Both heads turned over to look at Manta. He froze, there was something, …..disturbing, yes, disturbing about them. Especailly that neko-girl's. Her eyes were different colors.

"Yeah, so?" Repiled Ren's glomper.

"Then why not create a kitty plushie?" Manta suggested.

"………." It was obvious that both girls were deep in thought.

"That would be perfect! I could create a kitty plushie!" Ren's glomper squealed excitedly. "Yay!"

"That's fine with me," was the only response from the neko-girl.

"So, um, who exactly are you guys?" Manta asked.

"……………."

"We didn't introduce ourselves?" The neko-girl asked, obviously surprised.

At those words, both Ren and Manta did the anime fall.

"YOU CRAZY BITCHES WERE TOO BUSY ARGUING! NOW ANSWER MY QUESTIONS, KISAMA!" Yup, Ren had finally snapped.

Ren's glomper was busy sitting down and making another plushie. So the neko-girl was left to face Ren's wrath.

"Alright then, what questions did you ask?" The neko-girl asked, obviously unfazed by Ren's rage. She was stroking her kitty, which was laying there peacefully, purring. And in the background, Yoh was still screaming for help as SHE chased him around the yard.

Ren cooled down a bit. So, this crazy female would actually answer her questions huh? "Who are you and what do you want?"

"And why do you have cat ears? You have 2 pairs of ears, you know?" Yoh came to an abrupt stop.

"Yeah, Black Hikari, why _do_ you have 2 pairs of ears?" The girls who had been chasing Yoh suddenly stopped as well to ponder that question.

"……………………." _:twitch:_

Manta, who had been wondering the same question, waited for her answer.

"Well, I'm Black Hikari, or Hikari for short." She finally said. Then, pointing to ground, she continued. "That's Ren-0bsesser, or 0bsesser for short. And finally, that's Prancer." Indicating the girl that had been chasing Yoh.

"Prancer Mango Marshmallow the Reindeer Superhero." Prancer corrected.

"…………………" Ren, Yoh, and Manta so did not understand that name. And Ren-0bsesser, that name just spelt bad news, especially for Ren.

**-Tsuzuku-**

* * *

So, how's that? And lookie how fast I updated! All of the wonderful reviews made me so much more motivated to update faster. So please, review! 


	3. Of Plots, Secrets, Insults, and Chaos

Replies to my lovely reviewers:

**Morningstripe: **lol I wonder how Eliza and Faust would react to. However, we won't be finding out in this fanfic 'cause I'm the only one who like Faust enough that I just might stalk him out of all of my friends who are going to be in fic. Plus, Faust and Eliza belong together. RAWR! FaustxEliza FOREVER!

**Anim3Luva: **EVIL! Helen, you called me Nekoneko-kun on purpose! And when you knew that it was Neko-chan! But as for when Horokeu shall face HER, all in due time….

**LaH: **And if you're not:D Don't worry, you shall appear in this chapter.

**Ren-0bsesser: **RAWR! I don't see why you want me to update so fast when you draw _sooooo _slow! But because I'm nice, I'll update. D And sorry about making you ignore Ren. lol I made an OC OOC…… XD I find that so funny.

**-oOo-**

**Title:** PH33R!

**By:** Black Hikari

**Disclaimer:** ……….. If you've read to this chapter, then you've probably read the first 2 chapters right? If so, then you know what I'm gonna say here right? Good.

**Summary:** Just another day at Funbari right? Wrong! Fangirls have come to stalk there obsession. Poor, poor, SK gang……

**Warnings:** Insanity, attempted glomping, rabid fangirls. And 2 particular fangirls plotting horrible things. You have been warned.

**-oOo-**

What sort of doom appears for the SK gang now? And what will happen to poor Ren? And what about Horo? Will he meet HER? Will he be able to recover after that HORRIFYING experience?

* * *

"So….. Black Hikari, why _do _you have 2 pairs of ears?" Asked Prancer curiously. Her mini-dog woofed softly.

"Oh yeah, I forgot. Prancer's dog here is called Squiggles." The neko-girl added. It seemed that she was avoiding the subject of her ears.

Squiggles barked more sharply. Prancer, for some reason seemed to understand what her 'lil puppy was saying. "Yeah, I agree with you, Squiggles."

"What did Squiggles say?" Black Hikari asked.

"She said that you're afraid 'cause you're a scaredy-cat."

At those words, the neko-girl snapped. Well, she was cat-ish and a dog had just taunted her after-all. What did you expect? "I am SO NOT scared! And that mutt has no right to insult me like that! He spends all of his time with you! He never ventures out on his own!"

And with that, the cat and dog fight began. People, run for cover. "What! For one, Squiggles is FEMALE. Even after all this time, you still mistaken her for a male! And, you can't call her a mutt! And what about your cats? If you didn't have an entire MOB, I bet that you'd keep them with you all the time too!"

"Actually, no I don't. And I wouldn't." At those words from Black Hikari, Prancer made a noise of disbelief, obviously not believing the other girl. "Unlike _dogs_, cats are very independent. They can, and like to take care of themselves."

"Soooo, how did you get those cat ears?" Asked Manta. He was curious. Even though he had spent a great deal with shamans, he'd never seen someone like that before.

"………. Well, you know how I umm… _play_ with cat DNA?" Black Hikari asked her companions.

Prancer nodded while 0bsesser completely ignored her, too busy working on her new kitty plushie. "You mean how you genetically alter your cats' DNA? Yeah, so what about it?" (AN: Sorry if you didn't like that part! But I needed that to make later scenes work.)

"Let's just say that this is a result from an experiment gone wrong." The neko-girl mumbled under her breath.

"………………………….." Manta was astounded. To be able to genetically alter DNA! And she seemed pretty young, only in her teens.

All of a sudden, Squiggles barked urgently. At that Prancer immediately stiffened and said, "C'mon, let's get out of here!"

"But I still haven't finished my kitty plushie yet!" Complained 0bsesser.

"But ANNA is coming!" Prancer said urgently. She seemed to be panicking. But then again who could blame her? She had chased Yoh around and Anna was Yoh's _fiancée_.

At those words, 0bsesser and Black Hikari immediately got up and began following Prancer out of the yard of the Asakura residence.

"Yoh." A cold voice said. The itako had returned.

"H-hai?" Yoh asked.

"Shouldn't you be training?" Despite the phrasing, it was NOT a question nor a suggestion.

With those words, Yoh began to do his laps around the town. And, he hoped that he would not meet that girl with her mini-dog….

Soon, life at the was normal again. Ren and Yoh were training while Ryu and Manta were cleaning the inn again. However, it seemed that Horo had yet to recover from his state of shock from meeting HER.

**-oOo-**

While things may have calmed down over at Funbari, in another place- What? Sorry, but I can't give locations. This place is a super, secret place. Anyways, in this super, secret place, one of the THEM who had visited Funbari was having a discussion with another…..

"Did you see him?"

"No…… But I'm pretty sure that he is there."

"And if he isn't?"

"Then we'll just see if the others know anything I suppose."

"Not the best idea, but it'll work."

And with that the two fell silent. Waiting, waiting, always waiting to find HIM.

**-Tsuzuku-**

* * *

Umm…. Did you think that I took a long time to update? Sorry! I'll try to update as fast as I can! And umm…. if you saw some mistakes with the chapters, I'm sorry. I still don't completely grasp the Chapter Management thing……. Eh heh……. So please review! Reviews motivate me to work faster and harder! Oh yeah, did you consider the end that I had a cliff-hanger? 


	4. More Plots and Some Nameless People

Replies to my lovely reviewers:

**Sakura Yume: **The reason why I didn't answer your question was because I don't like you. XD I'm joking, ok? Actually, because you reviewed too late. If you reviewed earlier, I would've answered your question, probably….. And as for the question that you asked, I dunno…..

**Emic192: **_:gasp: _How did you find out! O-O Y-you're stalking us aren't you! XD

**Ren-0bsesser: **FINALLY! You finally finished the comic! For that, I'll actually update, and 'cause I should update every once in a while…….

**-oOo-**

**Title:** PH33R!

**By:** Black Hikari

**Disclaimer:** Bwahahahaha…… **-Mr. Bamboo: **Sorry, but Black Hikari is too busy plotting what she'd do with Shaman King if it were hers. Fortunately, (or unfortunately T-T) it doesn't belong to her.**-**

**Summary:** Just another day at Funbari right? Wrong! Fangirls have come to stalk there obsession. Poor, poor, SK gang……

**Warnings:** Plots, glomping, rabid fangirls on the rampage, the usual stuff.

**-oOo-**

Ahem, sorry minna-san, for not updating for about 2 months… -.-;; I was busy okay! **-Mr. Bamboo: **You mean you were busy reading other people's fanfics and playing games online**- **Shut up! Well… ok, so that was true…… But it's not my fault that the Naruto fandom is so HUGE! Gah! I'll never finish reading all of those fanfics! Plus I still have to finish watching Fullmetal Alchemist…. Ah well, onward to the the fourth chapter of "PH33R!"

* * *

Manta was at a restruant. Alone. Why he was there, we do not know. But he was there. Eating lunch. Alone. **-Mr. Bamboo: **Okay! We get the point! Now move on!**- **….Right, moving on. Manta's table was right next to this table where two girls were eating. Apart from those two girls and that old man at the table in the corner, Manta was the only customer in this restaurant. Not a very busy day, eh? Since there were no other people around, and that old man at the table in the corner was very quiet, Manta could her what does two girls were saying. After all, it was quiet in this unnamed restaurant and Manta's table was right next to theirs. (**AN: **Wheee! I just realized that this whole entire paragraph has been pointless rambling. It's fun to write pointless rambling! Wheee!)

"Ren has _waayyy _too many fans. Hao-sama doesn't get enough attention."

"Yup. Maybe we could….. Kill Ren!"

At that, Manta spat out the tea that he had just sipped. That earned him a strange look from the waitress. After finishing hacking and coughing and all of the other actions that comes from choking on tea, Manta listened to those two girls' conversation again.

"How about poison? Isn't the Tao family famous for there poisons?"

"They are? Well, even if they are, they won't poison their only son!"

At that Manta choked again on his tea. He was really earning some dirty looks from that waitress by now. He had hoped that they had been talking about some other 'Ren' after all, there must be lots of people named 'Ren', right? '_Of course_!' He said to himself. '_This guy that they are talking about just must be another guy and not the Tao Ren, right?_' Wrong. Yup. They were talking about Tao Ren. THE Tao Ren. As in the Tao Ren that currently lives at Funbari Onsen. The one with the spirit that was afraid of cats. The Ren who had participated in the Shaman Fight. The Tao Ren who was Chinese. Yup, _that _Tao Ren.

"I know! We WILL use poison! Just not from the Tao family! We'll use the poison that they have in _'that place'_."

"'_That place'_? Oh! right! _'That place'_. Let's go!"

Manta, not being able to bear his nerves anymore, whirled around to see what was going on. ….Only to be met with an empty table, some dishes, and a tip.

**-oOo-**

"Quaint-chan…" 0bsesser stared expectantly at her partner-in-obsession.

"Huuuuuum?" replied a tall blonde. She wore a dark blue T-shirt with the word 'Tokyo' in kanji over a long-sleeved white shirt .

"Well, what was that 'master plan' you wanted to tell me about?"

"…" Quaint avoided eye contact with Ren-0bsesser.

"…Are you still angry at me for glomping Ren-sama?"

"…"

"Don't be angry!" She pouted. "How 'bout you have a turn to glomp Ren-sama next time we see him? And I'll give you one of my thirty-three million-one Ren plushies!"

"…" Quaint looked thoughtful for a minute. "Huuuuuuuuuuuuuuum." There was a pause. "Okay, R-esser-chan!" she grinned. A creepy aura gathered when she smiled. Her grin was huge, her eyes intimidating, and she was tall, making her tower over any victim. Ren-0bsesser stared a particularly shiny rock on the ground, not noticing (A/N: 0bsesser is too easily distracted to be affected).

"Good! Now let's hear about that plan," Ren-0bsesser said distantly, not taking her eyes off the shiny object.

"Okay, here it is… We dress up as carrots, buy balloons, and mail them to Ren-sama. When they balloons arrive, we'll steal them and then throw peaches at a random passerby. After that, we buy thirty-three gallons of milk and store it all in the refrigerator at LaH's house. Three hours later, we'll tie up a hairbrush to a pole with blue dental floss. The next day, we'll walk quietly to where ever Ren-sama is, kick a tree, chase a squirrel, and then kidnap Ren-sama."

"…" Ren-0bsesser frowned and scratched her head, trying to contemplate the information. "Uh… That's too much for my mind to take… Or remember…….. To save on money and time, let's just stalk over to where ever Ren-sama is and kidnap him?"

"Umm……" Quaint muttered, her hazel eyes full of consideration. "You plan sounds a little random and complicated to me, but alrighty."

**-oOo-**

Meanwhile…..

"Do you have any fast-working poison that you could lend to us?"

"Errr….."

**-oOo-**

Also at that time…..

"Horokeu-kun….. You shall be mine! MUHAHAHAHA!"

**-oOo-**

Thus…. Back to the present timeline…..

Manta had been running nonstop as fast as little short legs could run. He immediately burst into the Asakura residence, only to find Horohoro hiding in the couch cushions.

That's right. _In _the couch cushions. Not under them. Not amongst them. _In _them. You heard me. Horokeu was trying to hide himself _in _the couch cushions. Why? His Ainu shaman senses were screaming at him telling that SHE was plotting again. What SHE was plotting, he didn't know. He'd rather not know. The traumatized Ainu continued to desperately burrow deeper into the couch cushion as if it could protect him from HER.

Manta however, didn't know that. Thus, he was very confused by the blue-haired shaman's actions.

**-oOo-**

Chocolove was thirsty. So, he took a look at the fridge. What did he find? Ren's milk. Normally, Chocolove leaves Ren's milk alone because he does not like Ren pointing sharp object at his nose. It was painful after all. But today, he felt extremely thirsty, so he drank the milk. _'Huh, the milk kinda tastes funny….. Did it go bad or something?'_ Chocolove thought. All of a sudden, he was choking. It felt like his throat was on fire and there was a burning sensation at the back of his eyes. His vision swam about hazily and his head pounded. With that, Chocolove collapsed.

"Drat! The joker drank the poisoned milk and not Ren!"

"……… We still have some left right?"

"Err…. Oops. I used all of it the that bottle of milk."

"……..That's a big dosage."

"Yup"

**-Tsuzuku-**

* * *

Wheee! I finally finished that chapter! _:pant, pant: _So be nice a drop me a review! Oh yeah, the scene of Quaint-chan and 0bsesser plotting was 0bsesser's writing, not mine. I just made a couple of revisions. Why do I have 0bsesser's work here? Because she is my most loyal fan for "PH33R!" and she read the first three chapters over and over again and because I wasn't updating, she wrote her own version of chapter 4 for "PH33R!". And…. she killed it. But that scene was ok and I really liked it so, yeah…. So credit for that scene goes to 0bsesser. Oh right! Some of you may be wondering who 'Mr. Bamboo' was from the notes that I wrote at the beginning of this chapter. He is my muse! As his name suggests, he is a bamboo plant! He has four curly trunks and lives in a dark-green pot that is cube-shaped. He will take over the disclaimers and anything else that I cannot do because I'm too stoned on caffeine or sugar or whatever else. So drop me a review! 


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